Fuh Fuh Fuh Freezing
Snow. Sleet. Frozen rain. Wind chill. We’ve got it all here in the heart of Ohio. My fingers are only now starting to thaw and I’ve been indoors for the better part of an hour.
I’ve got no complaints, though. As I say fairly often, I’ll take the cold over the heat any day. To paraphrase Dave Attell (from when he was funny), there’s nothing more uncomfortable looking than a fat guy on a hot day. He always looks lost or as if he’s forgotten something. A fat guy on a cold day, however, looks prepared.
The cats have taken up new wintertime spots—Olivia in a corner in my office, Oscar in a box where I tossed a coat last winter, and Nelson amidst the folds of a comforter on the couch. I don’t know what makes them switch their hangout spots—probably nothing, really. Their brains are the size of walnuts. Oscar enjoyed warming his nutsack on the register in the bathroom last winter. He seems to have lost interest in it this year.
Speaking of walnut-sized brains: As I pulled out of the drive-through this morning, I saw a giant pickup with a “Calvin Pissing” decal. “What was he peeing on, John?” you must be wondering. Why, he was pissing on two words: 1.) FORD and 2.) IRAQ. Calvin was pissing on Ford and Iraq. Two things that enrage the driver of the truck are Ford vehicles and the country of Iraq. Perhaps the driver of the truck is deeply concerned about the economic crisis facing the country. Perhaps he’s troubled by the US spending billions in Iraq while the government is considering a multi-billion-dollar bailout of the “Big Three” and the best way for him to express this was to affix a sticker of Calvin pissing on the things that trouble him on the back window of his truck. The man has inspired me. I’m going to put a sticker on the back of my car that best expresses what is bothering me. Here is the prototype:
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:41 pm
I have seen the peeing calvin getting more and more specific lately. From High School football teams to the McDonalds on third street.
It was 70 here today. Tomorrow it will be 30 and snow. I hate the cold.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:34 am
Glad to see FORD is right up there with global unrest. Henry would be proud.
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:28 am
If you added “cellulite” to that, we would be, like, philosophical twins.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:45 am
What’s a Wig Head? Is it literally a head with a wig on it, or is it some new saying you young people are using?
December 4th, 2008 at 11:53 am
A wig head is a Styrofoam head used for storing a wig when not in use. I found them creepy and scary when I was a kid. Which was in the late sixties and early seventies, by the way, so you can forget the notion of me being among “you young people.”
So old.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Oh, okay. I feel ya. I think we’re probably the same age, although, unlike you, I’m not old. I do, however, keep my wig on a wig head. Keeps it fresh.
December 4th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Ha! Happiness is a fresh wig!
December 4th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Reminds me of an Onion article from a few years ago…
‘Peeing Calvin’ Decals Now Recognized As Vital Channel Of National Discourse:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28582
December 5th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
It’s nuh-nuh-nuh-nine degrees here today.
December 6th, 2008 at 10:49 am
IT’S TOTALLY BLIZZARDING HERE TODAY!
December 8th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
I spotted a truck with a Calvin pissing sticker and Betty Boop as the target. Who would really want to do that to Betty Boop?
December 8th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Has anyone else seen the Calvin kneeling at cross? I really thought he was pissing on the cross the first time I saw it. Now *that’s* comedy.
December 9th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
People that would want to pee on Betty Boop are probably the same people that sit at home and draw her naked.
January 5th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
You need to blog more often, Don Juan.
January 10th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
ditto to what Katy said….and wahhhhh
January 15th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
roundisgettinglaidagain
January 16th, 2009 at 1:38 am
naw - probably just gettin’ ready for next Tuesday. Understandable: even as a Canadian, I am heading down to San Fran next week to attend a farewell to Moe Bush party…